i cant stand to fly / im not that naive / im jus out to find.. / the beta part of me / im more than a bird / im more than a plane / more than some pretty face beside a train / and its not easy to be me / wish that i could cry / fall upon my knnes / find a way to lie / bout a home i'll nv see / it might sound absurb / but dun be naive / even heros hav the rite to bleed / i maybe disturbed but wun u concede / even heros have the rite to dream / and its not easy to be me / up up and away away from me / well its alrite / u can all slp sound tonite. / im not crazy. or anything / im only a man. in a silly red sheet / digging for kryptonite on this one way street / only a man in a funnie red sheet / looking for special things inside of me.. / inside of me / im onjly a man in a funnie red sheet / im only a man looking for a dream / im only a man in a funie red sheet / and its not easy.. / its not easy.. to be.. me..

wana noe why i nv ever copy and paste song lyrics? coz when i type out the song lyrics.. i mean wad i type. wad i feel at that period of time. is all simply described in the song itself. yesterday and today. equally rough day for me. why? i've nv been sad for such a long time. EVER. i cant seem to let loose and be happie. i cant go on acting. i would become someone else if i do so.

during history period. i asked miss leong if i could go toilet. i went toilet the 1st time wif yu yeng and i cried my fuking ass out. was sad that my fren was still treating me quite coldly. really upsets me that this day came. cried. yu yeng scolded me. she say im tinking too much. i noe im sensitive. but still. its not a crime to be sensitive. den 2nd time i go toilet myself. i went insidethere and slap myself. my other fren smsed me and ask me why i behaved as if i lost or bf. or maybe worst? how the fuk i noe?! zzzzzzz wasnt really in the mood the whole day. got punished by teacher somemore. this combo simply sux. i kinda give up everything already. theres no pt in life. zz

den after skoool. yu yeng and i. we went round the skool walking for an hr. den she wanted to find sarah. i jus wanted to see that fren of mine. but.. i dun tink he wans to see me. =/ i mean he did tok to me during chinese period. but now. we dun tok as often as last time. theres an awkward gap between us and it just keeps filling up.. maybe he aint feeling the same way as i am. coz maybe to him. he tinks everything is normal. zz i dun wish to comment much abt him. i told harfia b4. when its time to let go. u hav to let go. but look at me? lol. easier said than done. how true. i wasnt in the mood for anything that i actually headed back home.

i walked from skool all the way to the mrt. alone. i told yu yeng to find sarah. so i jus went. when i was walking. i was reflecting on wad happened today and yesterday. i dun even hav the mood to eat anything now. i have not been eating since i woke up till abt dinner for like.. 3days? even now.. when im typing this. im not even smiling. im jus looking at the fuking screen. wondering wad the hell am i doing. writing all this nonsense for u guys to read. so sry. and of coz. im listening to five for fighting - superman. i really wana go up up and away away from here. im only a human being. i cant change wads gonna happen tml or yesterday. i jus hav to accept the fact.

i hope that he would treat me like how he used to. which was tokin to me more. coz he doesnt noe. i've been killing myself softly on the inside. i've nv cried so many times in skool before. jus b4 i reach the mrt station. i almost got knocked down by a car. how could this happen to me? people who watched me grew up say im an alert girl. a v alert person. would almost get bang down by a car today. seriously. wad has happen to me? zz when the car hone at me. i look at the driver. i took one step back. he jus drove pass me. i nnv felt so retarded blur and lost in my life b4. den when i reach mrt station. as in buona vista mrt. i saw one girl. she was holding a stick.. her eyes were looking straight.. she lost her way.. she was a blind. i lead her down to the control station where her fren picked her up. when i saw her walking away. tears keeps building up in my eyes. felt sad for her. yes this is how fragile i am now. jus a lil sad stuff. and there u go see me in tears. isnt it the best time for u to disturb me? come make me cry. im a cry baby now.

when i reach home.. 1st thing i did was bloggged. i was staring into space in the bus and i overshot my hse by 4stops. i had to walk like fuk. four stops. its freaking far. wanted to catch a cab. but couldnt find one. what the hell am i doing? i tink i've lost control of myself.

feeling lost,

kalafilochi.