jus came home. went out wif that fren and some other frens as well. was suppose to be a project day today. but all of us went out instead. lol. funie. ok next.

actually.. i got nth much to comment.. jus feeling pretty sad. hes jus in front. but we're not toking. its so weird. its like the way he looks at me. it has the.. "annoyed" look.. u hav no idea how much my heart was broken when i see this.. further more he was once my close fren. although physically i hav alot of frens.. but to me.. now im like so empty. coz last time no matter wad happens. i would tell him. i dun tell anyone.. but now.. who can i tell? i dun really trust anyone.. the feeling really sux. its like we were once soo close as frens. den now. we're not even toking. its so painful.. but yet i went.. coz if theres a chance to get close to him. i would do it. even if my head would be chopped into pieces. i would still go for it. but as always. things doesnt turn out the way i want them to be.. and i dun tink they would ever turn out the way i wan it to be.

gave a lift to my frens. i had car sickness as usual. but b4 he and my other fren got off the car. i was benting my head down. i din wana look up. coz i was crying. lol im silly rite? crying over a fren who doesnt even fuking care abt me. den they said bye to me.. i din wana look at them. i jus waved at them. lol. and they went off. i was alone in the cab. i started crying even more.. the cab uncle asked wad happened.. lol like as if i'll tell him. i dun even tell anyone else.. i duno why but im specially weak in the nite.. maybe bcoz i spend most of the nite times wif him. as in playing games. tokin on fone and stuff? but now. im like a useless crap. yea realised that i've been blogging everyday now? coz blog is like the only place i can pour out my feelings. even ppl like "anonymous" would give me suggestions. i dun love my that fren as in true love blah blah. only love to the extent of frenship..

see all my previous entry. all abt this fren. i dun even tok abt the guy i like. coz i hav no mood to like that guy. *im awake.. but my world is halfaslp. i pray for this heart to be unbroken. but wifout u all im going to be is incomplete.* how true.. i nv ever believed that losing a person in ur life would hav such a great impact on u. but now.. lol. i lost a fren. a fuking close fren. gone. wad hav i done wrong? im willinging to do anything to get him back as close fren. anything which i can possibly do. but sometimes i wonder why do i bother so much. does he feel the same way? or is he happier wifout me.. to me, he looks happier wifout me. hes doing beta in studies. happier wif other frens.. maybe im a bad influence for him.. if leaving him means he'll do gd. i'll do it. as long as he walks the rite path. im willinging to suffer lidat. lol.. big sacrifice for a fren? im crying again. kala u're weak.